


Pizza Delivery For An Idiot

by fallofthereichenbach



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, not my best tbh, pizza?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 11:05:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8011234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallofthereichenbach/pseuds/fallofthereichenbach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dan drunkenly orders a pizza as a prank call, he gets more than he bargained for</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pizza Delivery For An Idiot

**Author's Note:**

> Did this kind of on a whim because i wanted to be productive and also I haven't written for a while!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it xxx

"I'd like two medium pizzas please," Dan said, trying not to let his voice shake. 

"Any toppings?" The person on the other end of the line, most likely a gum-chewing, irritated teenager waiting to go home, did admittedly have a nice voice.

"One pepperoni, one ham and pineapple."

"Do you have any special or dietary requirements?"

"Yes!" Louise leaned over to talk into the phone, "Send your cutest delivery boy!"

Dan held the phone away from her and yelled into it, mildly panicked.

"She's kidding! We don't mind about the physical attractiveness of the delivery boy. Delivery person - I'm a feminist."

"... Okay then, what address would you like the pizzas to be delivered to?"

Here it was, the pièce de résistance, the ultimate punchline...

"123 Malstone Road."

There was a distant sound of tapping on a keyboard, and Dan felt Louise shivering with laughter next to him. He aimed a gentle punch at her shoulder. Prank-calling a pizza delivery place a long way away had been her idea, but somehow he'd found himself making the call. 

"Um, do you mean 123 Malstone Road in Worthing?"

"That's the one."

Louise's giggles continued, so Dan tried to put a hand over her mouth; in his tipsy state, he missed and instead ended up flailing his hand around in front of her face. This did not help to stop her laughter.

"You do realise that we are based in London?"

"...Yes," Dan quickly hung up, not knowing what else to say.

As far as prank calls go, it wasn't the funniest or the cleverest. But Dan and Louise were soon completely beside themselves with laughter; they would show signs of slowing down, only to have one of them whisper "London" and them both be set off all over again.

Dan and Louise had known each other for 6 years and roughly 5 months, and they had been best friends for 6 years and roughly 4 months. Tonight was the night of the Howell-Pentland Annual Sleepover; this year Dan was hosting, which meant they were sat on his living-room floor wrapped in blankets after having consumed a rather large amount of alcohol. 

"I can't believe you've never made a prank call before!" Louise managed to stutter through her giggles.

"I have!"

"Really? When?"

"Just now!"

"Very funny. We're making history here, Howell!"

"Dan and Louise, making history since 2010."

"You know it!"

As the evening went on, they progressed from being tipsy to flat-out drunk. Their Annual Sleepover was traditionally a time when they could relax and let go of their worries for one night - although the 2013 Sleepover had somehow managed to go on for three consecutive days, culminating in them waking up on a morning train to Portsmouth. 

They also grew steadily more hungry. There was no sign of their prank-call pizza, of course, so they ended up ordering from a place that was actually in the same town as them. How they managed to make that phone call without crying with pure laughter will forever remain a mystery.

When they had watched every crappy movie they could find on Netflix, demolished their pizzas, and set the world to rights through philosophical ramblings, it was about 5am. They fell asleep halfway through a conversation about chimneys that neither would remember in the morning.

 

-

 

Dan woke up the next morning to a painful buzzing. It sounded like a helicopter was trying to land right there in his flat, and it took several seconds for him to realise it was his intercom.

He sat up with a start and a groan, having effectively just been smashed round the head by all of the alcohol and regret that was currently in his body. His limbs were numb and entangled in a blanket and Louise. Knowing that his friend would honestly sleep through a helicopter landing in his flat, he kindly shoved her off of him and onto one of the empty pizza boxes. 

The room was a tip: way more than the usual two pizza boxes were strewn across the floor, bottles of unrecognisable liquids were standing in clusters like bowling pins, and more blankets than Dan thought he owned made the floor a health hazard. Neither him nor Louise had made it onto the sofa, and his whole body ached.

It had clearly been a great night.

Looking at his clock, it took him a few seconds to decipher the time. 8:30am. He had 3 hours sleep and a deadly hangover.

The intercom was still buzzing.

"I'm coming, fuck off," Dan muttered, crossing the room with as much speed and stability as he could muster.

He reached the door, pressed the intercom, and croaked out a "Hello?".

"Pizza delivery," came a smooth and vaguely musical voice. Dan leapt back from the door, and had a sudden urge to move to Canada.

The memories of last night were slightly blurred, as could be expected, however Dan did remember prank calling a random pizza delivery place in London.

The buzzing started up again.

"Shit."

Was this the pizza guys revenge? Was Dan about to be attacked? With a heavy heart that felt like he was signing his own death sentence, Dan went back to the intercom.

"If you've brought pizza, then you can come on up."

A minute or so later, there was a loud knock at the door. Dan opened it slowly, figuring he could always slam it in the guys face if he seemed about to kill him.

Standing in the doorway was a man in skinny jeans and a plaid shirt. He had black hair, blue eyes, and a laughing smile resting lightly on his face. He did definitely seem to be carrying a pizza.

Dan's hunger somewhat got the better of him, and he opened the door fully.

"I assume you are one of the people who called us at 10 last night?" The guy couldn't seem to keep a smirk off his face.

"I assume you are the person that we prank called at 10 last night?" Dan said, struggling to speak entirely intelligibly.

"You'd be right with that assumption," the guy winked.

"If you've come to kill me as revenge, couldn't you at least have waited until a decent time?" Looking into the mans eyes was like looking into the sun, painful even if you aren't hung over.

"Ah. You might be too filled with alcohol to be completely logical, but not waiting until a decent time to deliver you a pizza is my revenge."

Dan raised his eyebrows.

"You're delivering a pizza as revenge?"

"I was on my way from London to Brighton as it was, and so I figured I'd stop off here to wake you up with what I hope was a very annoying intercom-buzzer sound after what I hope was a long night of drinking."

"Well played. Look mate, I'm sorry about last night. My friend convinced me to make a prank call for the first time, I can't remember all of it but I can imagine it was pretty annoying."

"Nah, we get loads of prank calls. If they're local and stupid enough to give me their real address then I tend to give them a surprise visit like this."

Dan's headache felt like it had tripled in intensity in the short time that they had been speaking. He brought a hand up to touch his temple and visibly winced.

"What's up, are you seeing Voldemort?" The man grinned and seemed to have no pity for Dan.

"Wow, you should be a comedian," Dan rolled his eyes, though it hurt even to do that.

"You got that right! ... Now, take the pizza, take a paracetamol, and go back to sleep."

The man held out the pizza and Dan took it with a small smile.

"Should I pay you? How much was it?"

"Nah, don't worry about that. My boss gave it to me as some kind of sick reward for working the evening shift."

"Oh. Thank you... I'm Dan."

"No worries, and I'm Phil."

"Good to meet you Phil, and once again I apologise."

"You don't have to apologise again: the pizza was both revenge and a peace offering. One more thing though - your friend said she wanted the cutest delivery boy. Are you going to tell her that her 'special requirements' were met?"

Phil had a twinkle in his eye and Dan didn't have the energy to lie.

"I'd say that she'll be incredibly disappointed to have missed you."

"Good thing I woke you up then."

"Yeah."

They looked at each other for a few seconds, and then Phil took out a leaflet and scribbled something on it quickly.

"It's for the pizza place, and I've written down some of our better options than plain pepperoni. Only ring if you're in London this time though, okay?"

"Okay," Dan smiled, "I guess I'll see you around, then?"

"Definitely."

Dan reluctantly shut the door, and stood for a moment holding the pizza and leaflet. Then something caught his eye - writing on the leaflet: "I'm not going to apologise for waking you up, because A. you deserved it and B. you're cute." 

There was also a phone number.

Dan paused for a moment, before grinning and moving away from the door.

"Louise? Something just happened!"

**Author's Note:**

> Tbh I've kinda fallen out of love with writing phanfiction bc they are real people y'know
> 
> I'll probs still do it though because I need all of the inspiration I can get lol


End file.
